Economy Humor

A Glossary of Terms

Updated for the new era
in American finance

(2009 Jan blog post)

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Given the economic 'meltdown' of 2008-2009, we could use a little humor.

Below is a glossary of terms --- re-defined for the new age in U.S. finance.

Updated Stock Market Terms :

  • CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer

  • CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer

  • Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

  • Bear Market - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

  • Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.

  • P/E Ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

  • Broker - What my financial advisor has made me.

  • Standard & Poor - Your life in a nutshell.

  • Stock Analyst - Idiot who just downgraded your stock

  • Stock Split - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

  • Financial Planner - A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

  • Market Correction - The day after you buy stocks.

  • Cash Flow - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

  • Yahoo - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

  • Windows - What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought the Yahoo stock for $240 per share.

  • Institutional Investor - Former investor who’s now locked up in the nuthouse or prison.

  • Profit - An archaic word no longer in use.

These updated definitions come thanks to a 2008Oct09 posting on the forum

Chart of the typical Investor Mind through Market Peaks and Valleys

Bottom of Economy Humor - An Updated Glossary of Terms page.

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Posted 2009 Jan 29.
Changed to allow for better printing 2009 Aug 23.

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