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Dec 18, 2000 -
site of quote unknown :
"If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just
so long as I'm the dictator."
[ I guess that's the Bush sense of humor. ]
March 18, 2003 -
Barbara Bush -
just before her son ordered the invasion of Iraq :
"Why should we hear about body bags and deaths and how many,
what day it's gonna happen? It's not relevant. So why should
I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?"
[ Later, no doubt, there were mothers who found there was much
too much relevance of body bags. I wonder if the minds of
those mothers are still beautiful. ]
Nov. 6, 2005 -
Brasilia, Brazil -
after being shown a map of Brazil by
Brazilian president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva:
"Wow! Brazil is big."
[ Condoleeza, you really have to do a
better job of preparing him for these
trips outside the country. It's not like
he's going back to his ranch in Texas
where Laura is the only one in hearing range.]
May 24, 2005 -
site unknown :
"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things
over and over and over again for the truth to sink in,
to kind of catapult the propaganda."
[ They feel the same way at FoxSpin --- I mean, FoxNews. ]
Nov. 28, 2005 -
Tucson, Ariz. :
"Those who enter the country illegally
violate the law."
[ Tell us something we don't know. ]
Dec. 12, 2005 -
NBC Nightly News interview -
defending Vice President Dick Cheney's pre-war
assertion that the United States would be
welcomed in Iraq as liberators :
"I think we are welcomed. But it was not
a peaceful welcome."
[ I guess they mis-underestimated. ]
[ It was a spirited welcome --- kind of like
Boston Red Sox fans welcoming Yankee fans.]
Jan. 10, 2006 -
Washington, D.C. - addressing war veterans :
"You took an oath to defend our flag and our
freedom, and you kept that oath underseas
and under fire."
[ Was he talking to Navy Seals?
Or had he just taken his steroids? ]
Feb. 21, 2006 -
aboard Air Force One -
defending a plan to allow a
company controlled by the United Arab
Emirates to manage ports in the United
States :
"And I want those who are questioning it to
step up and explain why all of a sudden a
Middle Eastern company is held to a
different standard than a Great British
company."
[ Shouldn't that be Middle Eastern-ish? ]
Feb. 23, 2006 -
Washington, D.C. -
on the deal to hand over U.S. port security
to a company operated by the United Arab
Emirates :
"People don't need to worry about security.
This deal wouldn't go forward if we were
concerned about the security for the
United States of America."
[ That certainly is re-assuring.
We have nothing to fear but security itself. ]
March 10, 2006 -
Washington, D.C. -
on medical liability reform :
"And so I'm for medical liability at the
federal level."
[ The hospitals need help. They just can't
generate any more liability than they are now. ]
March 13, 2006 -
Washington, D.C. -
on the bombing of the Golden Mosque of Samarra in Iraq:
"After the bombing, most Iraqis saw what the
perpetuators of this attack were trying to
do."
[ So THAT's what "perp" means. ]
May 4, 2006 -
Washington, D.C. :
"I was not pleased that Hamas has refused to
announce its desire to destroy Israel."
[ They are just not co-operating at all. ]
May 5, 2006 -
Washington, D.C. :
"The point now is how do we work together to
achieve important goals. And one such goal is
a democracy in Germany."
[ Get right on that, Condoleeza. ]
May 5, 2006 -
Washington, D.C. :
"You never know what your history is going to be
like until long after you're gone."
[ That's proof that he has a strong belief
in an afterlife --- with the capability for
extensive oversight of Earth. Are there
reading glasses in heaven, or wherever he's going? ]
May 7, 2006 -
during an interview with the German newspaper
Bild am Sonnta - on his best moment in office :
"I would say the best moment of all was when I
caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake."
[ I thought he'd say it was the first time he said
"I am the Decider".]
June 14, 2006 -
Washington, D.C. -
when asked if the tide was turning in Iraq :
"I think -- tide turning -- see, as I remember
-- I was raised in the desert, but tides kind
of -- it's easy to see a tide turn -- did I
say those words?"
[ No. It was your evil twin. ]
[ Apparently he had not heard of the term
'the tide is turning'. I guess they don't have
books, radio, or TV in the desert. ]
June 27, 2006 -
Washington, D.C. :
"We shouldn't fear a world that is more interacted."
[ He'd been watching too much Google. ]
Oct. 24, 2006 -
interview with CNBC's Maria Bartiromo (video clip on Internet) :
Maria Bartiromo:
"I'm curious, have you ever googled anybody? Do you use Google?"
President Bush:
"Occasionally. One of the things
I've used on the Google is to pull up maps.
It's very interesting to see -- I've forgot
the name of the program -- but you get the
satellite, and you can -- like, I kinda like
to look at the ranch. It remind me of where
I wanna be sometimes."
[ It reminds me of where I wanted you to be, 2000-2008. ]
Oct. 26, 2006 -
Des Moines, Iowa :
"You know, when I campaigned here in 2000, I said,
I want to be a war President. No President wants
to be a war President, but I am one."
[ A new record for juxtaposition of contradictory
statements. Zero inches apart. There will be no
more Guinness World Records in this category. ]
Nov. 4, 2006 -
Greeley, Colo. -
on the war in Iraq :
"The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done."
[ Even better --- leave before we entered. ]
Nov. 30, 2006 -
Amman, Jordan -
on speculation that U.S. troops could be withdrawn from Iraq :
"This business about graceful exit just simply has
no realism to it at all."
[ Apparently
John McCain does not share this opinion.
McCain seems to think parades will be marching
in the streets of Baghdad, bands will be playing,
confetti will be falling, Iraqis will be kissing
in the streets. ]
Dec. 7, 2006 -
Washington, D.C. :
"Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough
it is, sir. I talk to families who die."
[ He sees dead people. That might make a good movie. ]
Jan. 29, 2007 -
interview on National Public Radio :
"I think that the vice president is a person
reflecting a half-glass-full mentality."
[ Get the picture. A glass cut in half, full to the brim.
Priceless. Yogi Berra couldn't have done better. ]
Jan. 29, 2007 -
interview on National Public Radio :
"And there is distrust in Washington. I am
surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust
that exists in this town. And I'm sorry it's
the case, and I'll work hard to try to
elevate it."
[ Mission Accomplished !! ]
March 1, 2007 -
New Orleans :
"I'm a strong proponent of the restoration of
the wetlands, for a lot of reasons. There's
a practical reason, though, when it comes to
hurricanes: The stronger the wetlands, the
more likely the damage of the hurricane."
[ I have NO idea what this man is saying. Does he? ]
April 19, 2007 -
Tipp City, Ohio -
on military benefits :
"One of my concerns is that the health care not
be as good as it can possibly be."
[ He was also concerned that 'the environment' and 'the
economy' not be as good as they can possibly be. ]
May 2, 2007 -
Washington, D.C. :
"The question is, who ought to make that decision?
The Congress or the commanders? And as you know,
my position is clear -- I'm a commander guy."
[ like Flash Gordon --- or, for younger readers, Han Solo
--- or, for realists, Dr. Evil ]
May 2, 2007 -
Washington, D.C. :
"Information is moving -- you know, nightly news is
one way, of course, but it's also moving through
the blogosphere and through the Internets."
[ Here is a quote for the ages. ]
June 27, 2007 -
quoted by the Sun newspaper (London) -
on former British Prime Minister Tony Blair :
"I've heard he's been called Bush's poodle.
He's bigger than that."
[ Good one. Did he intend that to be a joke?
He might qualify as a joke writer for McCain. ]
July 10, 2007 -
Cleveland -
answering a question about a possible flu pandemic :
"I'm going to try to see if I can remember as much
to make it sound like I'm smart on the subject."
[ No wonder the U.S. health care system is such an
expensive, error-riddled mess. ]
Sept. 7, 2007 -
APEC (Australian) Business Summit :
"As John Howard accurately noted when he went to thank
the Austrian troops there last year..."
[ referred to Australian troops as Austrian troops ---
Howard was Prime Minister of Australia ]
Sept. 20, 2007 -
Washington, D.C. -
on the former South African president, who was still very much alive :
"I heard somebody say, 'Where's (Nelson) Mandela?'
Well, Mandela's dead. Because Saddam killed all
the Mandelas."
[ Nelson Mandela understands that Bush made an
honest mistake. After all, Nelson thought Bush's brain was dead.
Apparently it's on life support. ]
Sept. 20, 2007 -
Washington, D.C. :
"All of us in America want there to be fairness when
it comes to justice."
[That's an interesting concept
he brings up, accidentally --- 'unfair justice'.
Reminds one of the Department of Justice under his
appointee, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez.]
Sept. 26, 2007 -
Washington, D.C. -
on the No Child Left Behind Act :
"As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrenS
do learn when standards are high and results are
measured."
[ apparently the American people haven't
set the standards high enough for the Presidency ]
Oct. 3, 2007 -
Lancaster, Pa. :
"You know, when you give a man more money in his pocket
-- in this case, a woman more money in her pocket to
expand a business, it -- they build new buildings.
And when somebody builds a new building somebody has
got to come and build the building. And when the
building expanded it prevented additional opportunities
for people to work."
[ Huh ! Musta been a smudge on the teleprompter. ]
Oct. 3, 2007 -
Lancaster, Pa. :
"My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make
a lot of decisions."
[ and proud of it, no matter the outcome ]
Oct. 17, 2007 -
Washington, D.C.-
on the need for political progress in Iraq :
"I fully understand those who say you can't win this
thing militarily. That's exactly what the United States
military says, that you can't win this military."
[ Tell McCain that. He seems to think there will be a
grand military end, like the turning over a sword by
terrorist dignitaries dressed in tuxedos and top hats, on the deck of
a U.S. battleship, like in Japan at the end of World War II. ]
Oct. 25, 2007 -
San Diego, Calif. -
after meeting with California wildfire victims Kendra and Jay Jeffcoat :
"My hearts are with the Jeffcoats right now, that's what
I'm thinking."
[ Cheney had him equipped with a backup heart, just like his own. ]
Oct. 25, 2007 -
San Diego, Calif. :
"All I can tell you is when the governor calls, I answer
his phone."
[ Apparently hyper-speed is one of his super-powers. ]
Nov. 13, 2007 -
New Albany, Ind. :
"If you've got somebody in harm's way, you want the
president being -- making advice, not -- be given advice
by the military, and not making decisions based upon the
latest Gallup poll or focus group."
[ I am the advice-maker AND the decider. ]
Jan. 4, 2008 -
Washington, D.C. -
on how he can contribute to the Middle East peace process :
"I can press when there needs to be pressed; I can hold
hands when there needs to be -- hold hands."
[ See, no-child-left behind is nothing new. They had it
when he was in school. They passed him from 1st through 12th grades.]
March 3, 2008 -
Washington, D.C. -
to Army Gen. Ray Odierno :
"And so, General, I want to thank you for your service.
And I appreciate the fact that you really snatched
defeat out of the jaws of those who are trying to
defeat us in Iraq."
[ Cheney, help him out here. ]
March 5, 2008 -
Washington, D.C. :
"Let me start off by saying that in 2000 I said,
'Vote for me. I'm an agent of change.' In 2004, I said,
'I'm not interested in change -- I want to continue as
president.' Every candidate has got to say 'change.'
That's what the American people expect."
[ His main priority (get re-elected) explains just about everything. ]
April 6, 2008 -
Sochi, Russia :
"A lot of times in politics you have people look you in
the eye and tell you what's not on their mind."
[ That would be a good way to get the ethical path from his
lobbyist-advisors. ]
April 19, 2008 -
Camp David :
"How can you possibly have an international agreement
that's effective unless countries like China and India
are not full participants?"
[ Hard to tell what he is really trying to say here.
But that's not uncommon. Laura probably knows what he means. ]
May 12, 2008 -
Washington, D.C. :
"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures
out what happened inside this Oval Office."
[ Yes, you've left a challenging legacy. Historians will
probably spend decades trying to figure it out. ]
May 27, 2008 -
Mesa, Ariz. -
visiting the Silverado Cable Co.:
"And so the fact that they purchased the machine meant
somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody
makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the
machine-making place."
[ said like a pre-schooler ]
June 2, 2008 -
Washington, D.C. :
"We got plenty of money in Washington. What we need is
more priority."
[ Just print some more. ]
June 2, 2008 -
Washington, D.C. :
"Let's make sure that there is certainty during uncertain
times in our economy."
[ This might actually be a Yogi Berra quote. ]
June 6, 2008 -
Washington, D.C. -
discussing relief efforts after a Chinese earthquake :
"There's no question this is a major human disaster that
requires a strong response from the Chinese government,
which is what they're providing, but it also responds a
compassionate response from nations to whom --- that
have got the blessings, good blessings of life,
and that's us."
[ It's pretty clear what he means, but wouldn't it be nice to
have a President who could say it in a way that is immediately
understandable. ]
June 6, 2008 -
Washington, D.C. :
"One of the things important about history is to remember
the true history."
[as opposed to the manufactured
history, such as that being manufactured in the last days
of the Bush presidency, Jan 2009.]
June 16, 2008 -
London :
"There is some who say that perhaps freedom is not universal.
Maybe it's only Western people that can self-govern.
Maybe it's only, you know, white-guy Methodists who are
capable of self-government. I reject that notion."
[ So who does he accept as capable? Olive-skinned Episcopalians ...
but not dark-skinned Baptists. ]
July 2, 2008 -
speaking to reporters in Washington, D.C. :
"Should the Iranian regime ... do they have the sovereign right
to have civilian nuclear power ... So, like, if I were you,
that's what I'd ask me. And the answer is, yes, they do."
[ 5 Tangles go here. (See 'Tangles' rating description above.) ]
July 15, 2008 -
Washington, D.C. -
describing the brutality of Afghan fighters :
"And they have no disregard for human life."
[ bitten again by the double-negative snake ]
Sept. 19, 2008 -
Washington, D.C. :
"Anyone engaging in illegal financial transactions will be
caught and persecuted."
[ Great! He's in favor of water-boarding sociopathic CEO's.
Why didn't he follow through? About 99% of the country was
calling for that in the last few months of 2008. ]
Oct. 20, 2008 -
Alexandria, La. :
"This thaw took a while to thaw, it's going to take a while
to unthaw."
[ On a scale of 1 to 5, 10 Tangles go here. ]
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